Ad Porn

There's a reason why advertising seems to go hand in hand with the oldest profession in the world. Are brands getting screwed or getting off in the process? Here are a few interesting parallels.

The Moneyshot
Nothing gets your consumers screaming for your product better than this. For the housewife, this involves pulling out a dazzling sparkling white shirt out of a bucket. Just change costume replace bucket  with washing machine and repeat next year.

The Fluffer
What do you do when your brand can't get it up on its own? Bring in a star! For a crore or two, the star will dribble your product all over her lips, gyrate to your jingle and exclaim orgasmically over it. This is sure to keep your sales figures at their perkiest best, and will also pay for her next trip to the cosmetic surgeon too.

The Pornstar
This the kind of ad where the mom makes dosas for the kid, idlies for the granddad and vadas for the dad in a matter of minutes and still manages to look like she's stepped out of a beauty parlour.  This is the equivalent of porn flick where the female pornstar has a penis up every crevice available and actually looks like she's enjoying it.

The Slut
This is a version of the above, only worse. It's always amazing how much an ad manages to cram into a 15-second slot. Concept, product demo, product shot, logo panel, call to action, and 150-word disclaimer. Any familiar porn sequence parallel come to mind people?

The Japanese 

If you have no strategy, no creative thought and even no relevant message, you could do a Japanese. These ads are right up there with bizarre Japanese porn involving Hello Kitty.  It's the kind of ad that makes you go 'Hein????'.

The Bareback
Then there are some brands that throw caution into the winds, get lost in the moment, play ad roulette and refuse to use protection. Sign up a celebrity on the verge of conviction? why not! And then make a quick hasty withdrawal if things get bad. But of course we all know the success rate of the withdrawal method.